Hello, gentle readers,

The Nutty Writer Lady is back, and the nutty side of her brain must have been working overtime. Of course, that's no surprise considering the six years I spent earning two B.A. degrees and one M.A. (one in religion, two in English. I am not a supporter of dirty musicals (isn't that an oxymoron?) but the song from Avenue Q comes to mind).

Ooooohhhh, what do ya do with a B.A. in En-glish...

Okay. Better now.

My point is, sometimes my brain works overtime, especially when I can't sleep. I suspect I am an insomniac. Sometimes, I put myself to sleep with "things to ponder." If you've never seen these or haven't seen a really good list in awhile, here are some of my favorites:

1. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
2. Whatever happened to the other 6 UP's?
3. (For my Southern readers and fellow grammarians) How can something be "in" the floor and "on" the floor at the same time? Same principle for chairs. I mean, really.
4. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
5. (For people like me who love cheesy sitcoms) Didn't you ever wish just one time, the main problem could only be solved in say, two hours?
6. What if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about?
7. Oh, here's one that makes me scream: Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
8. And another one that drives me nutty: Why do some books have those annoying blank pages in the back? I hate buying a nice, long 350-page book and discovering that 10 of those pages are blank.
9. Someone explain this to me: WHAT is the fascination with dating vampires and werewolves all of a sudden? If I wanted to date a bloodsucker, I'd go to EHarmony and pick out a lawyer. And if I wanted to date a hairball, I'd...never mind.
10. And why, oh, why do you have to know how to spell something before you can look up how to spell it?!?!

Okay, you get the idea. Sometimes pondering the imponderables of life are fun (and hey, if any of you out there have others to send me, I welcome them). But I actually wanted to end this post with an inspirational revelation for you.

If you've hung around long enough, you know I'm a serious Christian, but that doesn't mean I understand God. I mean, He's GOD. I'm not supposed to understand Him fully, right? But He and I currently have a sticking point between us: I'm having trouble accepting some of His heavenly truth when I have to live down here with earthly truth. Such as: sometimes, He has to convince me I have a great purpose, when the earthly truth is that I have a disability that currently has me feeling rather "shelved." He has to convince me I'm beautiful, when the earthly truth is that I'm just a medium-sized woman who used to be a size 6, until she gave up her legalistic diet and indulged in the ice cream one time too many.

And then I thought, hey, I'm not the only one with this problem. I mean, how does a serial murderer accept forgiveness from others and him or herself while still knowing the murders were horrific sins? How did the Katrina victims keep believing God (not believing IN God), while knowing they'd lost everything and would probably spend a year or more in a FEMA trailer? How do people with cancer believe God for healing when the earthly truth is that the cancer is stage 4 and that treatment only has a 15% shot at making any difference?

I don't know the answer to that one, despite that Religious Studies B.A. But the key is, I'm working on it. And God is gonna hang in there with me while I do. After all, He created me as an intellectual. He must've known what He was in for, right? :)

A Conservative Cautionary Tale

Hello, gentle readers. Yes, I am back, and this time, I have some Independence Day thoughts for you. Yes, I realize they are a bit late, and I am rarely late, but I have been quite busy, so I'm just now jotting them down for your enjoyment, thought, and perhaps discussion.

These thoughts began percolating in my head when I went to church on the Sunday before Independence Day and was pleasantly surprised to hear my pastor deliver a sermon on what is right with America. Some of you might not find that surprising, but I can assure you that having had a lot of exposure to politics in recent years, as well as being a Christian who knows plenty about America's sins, it was refreshing to hear what was right with our country.

And there is a lot to commend about America. Despite the fact that we are often called ethnocentric, and despite the fact that free speech is often abused, we do live in the greatest country in existence. We have freedoms, opportunities, and basic comforts that people in other countries can scarcely dream of. Not to cram common knowledge down anyone's throat, but--have American women ever thought about how blessed they are to be able to walk down the street uncovered by a burqa? Have Americans ever given thanks for the ADA (in Europe, handicap-accessible transportation and buildings are often a myth)? And thank God, quite literally, that our water is clean, our food is plentiful, and even someone with an IQ of 50 can have a shot at a decent education if someone is willing to advocate for that person.

Now, do not misunderstand me. America has made mistakes, and I can name some huge ones: The Trail of Tears, Japanese internment camps, slavery (including prostitution), and turning a blind eye to the Holocaust, to name just a few. And yes, sometimes I think America could take a lesson or two from Europe, Africa, and other countries. After all, these are places where health issues are dealt with via diet and exercise, not popping pills (Europe). These are places where people are grateful for the basics, and where Jesus is embraced with such enthusiasm it's almost foreign in some nations (Africa and other Third World locations). But if America got a report card, it would have a lot of good grades. In my humble opinion, there's only one thing wrong with America at large right now.

No, it's not the "whackos" from the other political party. It's not the fact that not enough people are "going green." It's not anything you're going to hear a lot about in Washington, D.C. In fact, I'm pointing the biggest finger at the conservatives whose beliefs I embrace here. Yes, conservatives could do a lot to reshape America if we tried.

Now, some of you guys are probably saying, "yeah, lady, you're nuts," or calling me a traitor, which is your perogative, so let me explain what I mean. Yes, I get my news from FOX. Yes, I listen to Rush Limbaugh, and yes, I think Ann Coulter is hilarious. But sometimes, conservatives really make me get my Irish out. These are the people who claim they want to bring "family values" and "tradition" back to America (I'm hearing echoes of Fiddler on the Roof).

Yet, these are the same people who often give in to certain negative stereotypes that give them, and therefore a more "values based" America a black eye. These are the people who think they should go to church because "God is expecting you there." They slaughter and eat red meat just to prove a point to the "go green" folks. They lambast public education for having no value and belitte people with college degrees as "too liberal," forgetting that for all their flaws, these things can have value. They espouse corporal punishment because "I was spanked and turned out fine," and then wonder why their kids rebel or seem to obey out of fear/obligation. (And yes, I was spanked as a kid. While my parents were never abusive, I eventually grew to despise this punishment form).

I'm talking about the fact that conservatives are against abortion, but for the death penalty (to me, that seems awkward, especially since their main backup is an Old Testament verse. I thought we were under the new covenant?) As a matter of fact, conservatives who espouse their beliefs because "the Bible tells me so," and for no other reason, really get on my nerves. Hello! God also gave you a brain! But that's another discussion for another day. I'm talking about conservative parents who raise a hue and cry over banned books such as Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, and even some Shakespearean works, without reading them first. (No, you should not expose your child to inherently trashy books, and yes, if you choose not to have your child exposed to certain books and other media, that is a freedom you enjoy in this great nation of ours. I'm only encouraging a well-informed perusal of things like this before you go jumping off the deep end). I'm talking about conservatives who say gay marriage is wrong, and express that belief by treating gays and lesbians with flagrant disrespect (i.e., the Matthew Shepherd website that counts down the days the poor kid's been in hell). Puke!

Now, realize that I could write a whole different post on how liberals could do a lot to reshape America, but one, I think we get enough of that from Hannity and O'Reilly. Two, as a member of the conservative camp, I find it easier to point out the positives and flaws in my own party. And as for those flaws, people--both L and C--I'm sick of them. Embrace what's right with America, use your brain to truly think through your beliefs (alongside your Bible and your Darwin) and please...grow up. Get some intellectual independence, for cryin' out loud!

Top 20: The Book Edition Round 1: Adolescent Lit

Hello, readers! The Nutty Writer Lady is back. I've had a sort of rough week and a half (got turned down for a job I really wanted, no one else is hiring, hormones nuttier than my writing career, and various other disasters). So today, I decided to have a little fun with books.

It occurred to me that I should compile a list of the top 20 books I was currently reading, but then I realized there were two things wrong with that:

1. I have read so many books in my lifetime, and there have been so many wonderful ones, that I would have to do separate categories
2. Trying to choose the top 20 out of my current list would be impossible at this moment

Therefore, I decided to dedicate Round 1 to my top Adolescent Literature picks. (Note: If there are any moms with daughters out there reading this, a lot of books on the list would be great for them). So, let's begin:

20. Ella Enchanted. The quintessential Cinderella story with a lot more fantasy thrown in. Much better, and a lot less silly, than the 2004 movie (although I love Anne Hathaway). The first-person POV gives readers a great look into Ella's psyche, and the themes speak to girl power without discounting legitimate obedience. One caveat: a reference is made to ogres being able to sell eternal life, but the discerning reader should not find this a problem.

19. Behind the Attic Wall. This is an older "classic" by little-known author Sylvia Cassidy. Protagonist Maggie is an eleven-year-old with emotional problems, who has been thrown out of a myriad of boarding schools and foster homes, treated with no compassion. When she goes to live with two great-aunts, it appears her life will become more of the same, but then she meets and befriends two dolls that speak--only to her. This eventually leads to Maggie's discovery of true happiness and real familial love. A mysterious, but enjoyable trip into the world of magical realism.

18. Middle School Blues. This one comes from another little-known author, Lou Kassem. Cindy Cunningham, nicknamed Calamity Jane courtesy of her scholarly, perfectionist family, just doesn't fit in, a problem that worsens when she begins junior high. Her fresh account explores middle-school drama in a clean, friendly format with a few interesting twists. Interestingly, Cindy is a saxophone player with a penchant for writing, character traits that not many protagonists of books like Kassem's possess.

17. The Devil's Arithmetic. Jane Yolen's poignant look into the Holocaust is for mature adolescents only, although the depiction of concentration camps is not at all as graphic as it could be. Instead, Yolen focuses more on character development, symbolism, and respect for the Jewish religion and people in her novel. Riveting and thought-provoking, but probably best not read at night.

16. Beyond the Western Sea and The True Confessions of Charlotte Doyle. All wonderful books by Avi (the first one has a sequel), these three tied for 16th place. Here, both boys and girls get a turn at being the protagonists (as a girl who was exposed to a lot of boy-centered lit, I have to admit most of these books star girls). Here, kids will meet intrepid Irish siblings Patrick and Maura, their friend Laurence, and in the second book, Charlotte, whose 1830s voyage shows her she is a lot braver than she bargained for. Shipboard mutinies, harrowing journeys, injustice, shady characters, and triumph make for some great historical adventures.

15. Absolutely Normal Chaos. In ANC, Sharon Creech gives us a delightfully funny, relatable heroine in Mary Lou Finney. Forced to keep a summer journal, she unearths plenty of personal growth and introspection as she muses on poetry, Homer's Odyssey, the mysterious behavior of Cousin Carl Ray, boys, and her inexplicably boy-crazy best friend. One caveat: Mary Lou is fond of using "God" or "Oh, my God" as an exclamation.

14. Bloomability. Another Creech classic, this one introduces readers to Domenica (Dinnie), a 14-year-old girl sent to boarding school in Switzerland after her family life falls apart (again). Dinnie rises to the occasion, finding new friends, new cultures, and new lessons about herself in and out of school. Her dreams and the symbolism therein also make for an interesting talking point.

13. The Moves Make the Man. This nets spot #13 by virtue of being the first sport-centered book I ever enjoyed, as well as proof that both boys and girls will like it. Jerome Foxworthy is a hero worth rooting for as he adjusts to being the only black kid in a recently integrated school. His life becomes more complicated when he befriends Bix Rivers, a boy with a mentally ill mother and an obsession with truth. Jerome's first-person POV is fresh, funny, and relatable. Caveat: For a more mature audience, due to an incident of racism, intermittent profanity, and depictions of a disturbingly mentally ill character.

12. The Giver. It may have landed at #12, but this novel by Lois Lowry is one everyone should read at some point. The unusually insightful 11-year-old Jonas gets more than he bargained for when he's chosen as Receiver for his utopian community. Deep characters, a thought-provoking plot, and heart-wrenching truths all combine to make this much more than the average science fiction tale. However, I would rate this PG-13 on a book scale for a disturbing scene of euthanasia, a reference to suicide, and some strong thematic elements.

11. Dear America and Royal Diaries. These series tied for #11, and all the books made it since I found it impossible to choose just one or two. These books are a great step up for any girl who's ready to transition from the American Girls collection. The first collection covers every historical period from pre-Colonial to the 1960s, and the second gives girls a realistic, non-fairytale look at what it really meant to be a princess. Each book also comes equipped with thorough historical notes. Some may have what could be considered caveats, but that depends entirely on the parent and the reader. Personal guarantee: there is no cursing or "dirty" situations involved.

And now we hit the top ten:

10. Waiting for the Rain. What happens when a white "little master" and the son of a black farm boss try to keep up their close friendship in the midst of South African apartheid? The knee-jerk answer might be "nothing very good," but as Sheila Gordon reveals, the plot gives each character room for a lot of self-discovery and growth. Apartheid is villified, but Gordon focuses more on the hope of its ending (which is what rain symbolizes). The subject of apartheid may prove too heavy for some readers, but those who are ready will find this book quite compelling.

9. Homesick: My Own Story. Jean Fritz's fictionalized autobiography chronicles her childhood in China as a missionary kid, her longing for America, the country she's rarely visited, and the ironic homesickness she feels for China once her family returns to the U.S. Fritz's writing style is simple without being simplistic, and her imagery is nothing short of amazing. The descriptions of Chinese culture and people are especially memorable.

8. Happily Ever After...Almost. As protagonist Kitty puts it, she never thought her parents' divorce would result in her gaining a stepfather, stepmother, and a pointy-nosed, studious stepbrother with "more problems than India" (this book was published circa 1980). But author Judie Wolkoff puts Kitty through all this and more in a funny, light, yet memorable look into the life of a "broken home kid" moving from Brooklyn to SoHo, New York, with a pesky little sister, newlywed parents, and that stepbrother in tow. Wolkoff's writing style carries the story, and readers will be eager to revisit this one many times.

7. Pageant. An older book, but quite possibly Kathryn Lasky's best. As the back-cover blurb asks, "What's a nice Jewish girl like Sarah Benjamin doing in an all-Christian girls' school?" Set in the '60s, this book chronicles Sarah's journey through the uber-conservative halls of Stuart Hall, using her default role as a shepherd in the annual Christmas pageant as a symbolic backdrop. The result is an extremely enjoyable, gently thought-provoking book. What's most interesting here is that although the author appears to be pro-liberal, her message is not anti-conservative or anti-Christian. Rather, it is a true snapshot of what can happen when anyone becomes overly self-righteous or judgmental.

6. A Time of Angels. Fourteen-year-old Hannah Gold has her hands full trying to keep up with her paper route, avoid Rocky Keegan and the other neighborhood bullies, make sure her little sisters stay out of trouble...and avoid catching the deadly influenza that has plagued the U.S. in the winter of 1918. Her parents are trapped in Russia thanks to WWI, and once Hannah and her sisters lose Tanta Rose to the flu, it becomes her responsibility to find a way to keep her family afloat. Accompanied by a strange girl with violet eyes and dark hair that only she can see, Hannah embarks in a journey that will impact her life forever.

5. The Quilt Trilogy. Yet another series that makes the list, Ann Rinaldi's only formal series is a sweeping look at several historical eras, through the eyes of three different protagonists. Beginning in the 1740s and ending in the antebellum South, Rinaldi's family saga is one fascinating character study and surprising plot after another.

4. The Staircase. Another Ann Rinaldi installment, and my favorite of her books. Lizzie Enders is enduring purgatory as the only Methodist in an 1850s Catholic school, but her life changes when she meets an itinerant carpenter who's as much of an outcast as she is. When she persuades the nuns to take him in, trouble ensues, but the miracle staircase the nuns are praying for might come in a more earthly form than their mysterious novena...

3. Catherine, Called Birdy. The Middle Ages becomes a lot more interesting when told from the POV of 13-year-old Catherine, a knight's daughter with smarts and spunk to spare, threatened with an arranged marriage to one odious nobleman after another. She's able to fend off almost all the "contestants," but when one proves more tenacious than she can handle, is Catherine doomed? Readers will definitely have fun finding out! Minor caveat: Brief discussions of bodily functions and drunken behavior.

2. Hope was Here. You desperately need hope when your mom names you Tulip, leaves you with your aunt, and has never been seen since. You also need an extra shot of it when your aunt's restaurants keep closing down, as Hope Yancey well knows. Fortunately, she has it in spades, as she proves when she helps turn her latest new town around by drastically decreasing the influence of a corrupt mayor. Plus, readers get to vicariously enjoy some great food.

1. Homecoming. The first book in Cynthia Voigt's 1970s-set Tillerman Cycle is nothing short of epic. In fact, I'm not going to say much about this one. It's the poignant, yet realistic and relatable journey of four kids' search for a home after their mentally ill mother abandons them. The journey is described in vivid, piercing detail, and the intrepid characters are well worth rooting for.

And so ends the Adolescent Lit Top 20. Tune in later for the next list!

The Plight of the Medium-Sized Woman

It's almost dinnertime at my house, and I just got back from the gym (plus I have sore legs from an over-two-mile walk last night). So considering the circumstances, I thought now would be an ideal time for this post.



As you may have guessed, I am a medium-sized woman (size 8 on a good day, 10 on a bad day, and 10 more often lately, thanks to those precious hormones of mine). Well, that and the fact that, partly as a rebellion against our stick-thin culture, I have something chocolate every day, whether anyone else likes it or not.



Now, I have had my overweight days. In fact, those days were my life until college. And I have had my size 6 days (college, when I restricted myself so much that I became a borderline anorexic--my mother nearly killed me). So now, post grad-school, I am a medium-sized woman. And though I should be quite satisfied with that, well, I sometimes wonder. Because even though I no longer restrict myself to the point of obsession, I often feel so guilty for having that Chinese food, slice of cake, or ___ (fill in) that it isn't even funny. Meanwhile, I don't fit in well with the "big girls," and the "little" ones would probably consider me a porker.



Of course, I have an arsenal. This is mostly Scripture from Song of Solomon, as well as Proverbs 31:30 and 2 Peter 3:1-4 (ish). However, I wonder why medium-sized women often still suffer such guilt for eating food and exercising four times a week instead of six. Medium is supposed to be the "happy" size, right? Any ideas on how to make our culture accept "medium?"



Wait. I have one. I will have my cake, walk it off, and then have it again.

God, Stories, and Me

Stories.

I love them, which of course is why I write them. You are currently reading the blog of a woman who has been writing something since she was six years old. This was in 1992, back in the day when an up-to-date computer was an IBM with a green screen and one program--Microsoft Word. Of course, that's also the year my dad bought me my first desk. I started my writing career with sentences, using first grade spelling words, about a one-dimensional character named Eve. (Yes, there could be a Genesis connection there, but don't read too much into it. I just liked the name).

Now, eighteen years later, I am still a writer, and a reader. If I go to a bookstore, you can count on my leaving with at least two novels, unless the selection's really, really slim that day. My favorites are inspirational novels, both historical and contemporary, which of course is where God comes in.

I just finished a wonderful story called Healer by Linda Windsor, set in sixth-century Scotland. In fact, I read so many books a year that I briefly entertained the idea of making this a book blog--that is, just writing book reviews. But then I thought, that might get tiring after awhile, so I'll just muse for now.

Reading so many stories, all of which have God inside them somewhere (not to mention the Bible) makes me wonder what my own story is going to be like. Sometimes I wonder--when all the Christians are Raptured to Heaven and God makes a new Heaven and Earth, will there also be a new Bible of sorts, filled with stories of His modern-day saints? And will I be in it? And if so, will my story be good, or will it be one of the most boring ones in the whole book--kind of like 1 and 2 Chronicles, which you have to admit is a struggle to get through?

You see, as a writer, I'm learning that I sometimes have trouble with wanting to snatch God's pen away. There's so much that I think should have already happened for me. There's so much that I feel my disability holds me back from sometimes. I mean sure, I have an M.A. and a 4.0 average, but only a couple online tutoring jobs that don't pay much. I'm still living with my parents while waiting to procure the money for a down payment on a place to live, and even if that does happen, because I'm taking CP along, that place--not just the house, but the town--will have to have all the right modifications. You wouldn't think that. I mean, I don't use a wheelchair or speech aids or anything. So what gives? It sometimes feels as though I've been given all these gifts, but not allowed to really use them--just play with them a little bit.

As you can imagine, that can be quite frustrating, especially at certain times. But during my devotional last night, as I was explaining this to God, something occurred to me. You see, I've always felt that it's my responsibility to be the perfect Christian and person. That way, I will have proven to God that I am faithful enough to have my desires one day. But as He put it,

"Some of that responsibility is mine."

In other words, let me carry that for you. Now, I don't know exactly what that means or feels like, but it was quite a lift to the spirit, so I will try.

Blessings, gentle readers,
-The Nutty Writer Lady

Matthew 11:28

Dear Mr. President:

In the fall of 2008, I took a graduate-level course on Political Rhetoric. (Yes, I know it was emotional suicide at the time, but I got an A). Anyway, one evening, we were treated to the Pink "song" Dear Mr. President, which was of course a slam at George W. Bush. I hate the song, but now that the conservatives have fallen out of favor, I find the motif useful for my particular question, which is:

Dear Mr. President, how DO you sleep at night? I really must wonder, because:

1. You have done everything you can to encourage, not discourage, the hateful slime of racism and immature playing of the race card
2. You have conversely acted ashamed of one of the races (white) that is your heritage, and disgusted blacks throughout this country
3. You say you care deeply for the state of the environment, yet you can't even plug an oil spill hole. Meanwhile, California is up to its eyeballs in debt from killing itself to "go green," and you not only encourage that, but you want the rest of the country to go into the same debt.
4. You promised a job increase--well, where's mine, pal? And by the way, did we mention that U.S. employment as a whole is still over 10%? I may be an English major, but please, do the math.
5. You were so anxious to enact your universal health care "plan" that you never even read the darn bill. In fact, you are pushing your "agenda" through the ranks of D.C. in a flagrant attempt to destroy this country. Now, thanks to you, the Terri Schiavo travesty could become a regular news headline, and no, I do not think that is a stretch.
6. You have deliberately insulted and rebuffed Israel on a number of occasions. Now, I'm not one of these Christians who gets fixated on the end of the world, but here's a news bulletin: Israel and its people are God's chosen. Gentile Christians are "grafted in," but Israel is His baby. And when someone messes with God's baby, watch out!
7. You have chosen not to observe for yourself or otherwise acknowledge the National Day of Prayer
8. You insist on giving Muslims preeminence, while out of the other side of your mouth, you claim that there must be tolerance and a separation of church and state (which was NOT in the Constitution. It was a later quote from Thomas Jefferson, and no, he did not mean it like that).
9. You chose to go on vacation rather than honor our fallen heroes at Arlington on Memorial Day; instead, you sent Joe Biden, the poster child for Scotch tape over the mouth. This is the same guy who told a wheelchair-user to stand up, and who said "God rest her soul" about the Irish PM's dead father. What is wrong with this picture?

Need a Tylenol PM or three, Mr. President?

What are our educational administrators thinking???

It's May, and for most public schools, that means it's EOG (End of Grade) Test season. I'm currently volunteering at a great little elementary school about thirty minutes from my hometown, helping fifth- and third-graders get ready for their reading EOGs. I'm also helping a kindergartner with his phonics and letter recognition, but since he's not taking EOGs, I won't be talking as much about him in this post.

My question is, what are educational administrators thinking by insisting on standardized tests? Okay, so I understand the rationale behind them. Teachers need to know that their students have learned enough to be ready for the next grade level. Arguably, the best way to do this is to create curriculum objectives that all kids need to know. However, in my humble opinion, these tests are doing more harm than good. I even brought along a few examples to support my case.

First, you've got the teachers. I know a ton of great teachers from all levels (including college professors), and I also consider myself a teacher. I love being creative when I teach, and coming up with ways to make sure my students actually learn something new that will stick with them once they are out of my class. I'm also lucky, because my teaching experience has mostly been in college, which means I have some leeway to do this. But poor public school teachers...they have to teach directly to one test, and if the kids aren't learning anything, so what?

Then you have kids who learn differently from the "standard." I'm talking about smart kids who happen to have learning disabilities. I'm talking about kids with different learning styles than the norm. And I am talking about me. You see, I was a gifted kid, but I also had a physical disability that completely obliterated my depth perception. Therefore, math was a nightmare because of columns, coordinate graphs, algebraic formulas, and Heaven help me, geometric drawings. So if I failed an EOG or EOC (End of Course) exam, the idea that I was just dumb was considered. Hell-oooo?

And then you have the regular kids who are just trying to get through a school year in one piece. Prime example. I work one-on-one with an incredibly sweet third-grader. She's a good kid and a good student. But recently, when her teacher sent home a practice reading test, she didn't answer any questions on it, even though her work with me is wonderful. After probing, it was discovered that seeing a whole bunch of passages in a row like that just made her shut down.

The truth is that not even our first-graders and kindergartners are safe. I was in a beauty supply shop yesterday, looking for lip balm, and the clerk and I started chatting. I learned that her six-year-old first-grader is being subjected to pre-EOG testing four times a year. Part of these tests is a section called "Nonsense Words." The idea is that the child is given a nonsense word (such as "zet") and asked to sound it out so he can prove he knows the different sounds. Plus, it's timed. So this little boy is sitting there, trying to make a real word out of a nonsense word, while his teacher stands over him with a timer. Can we say "trauma?"

Honestly, I am completely disgusted about this. Is anybody else out there with me?