Hello, gentle readers,

The Nutty Writer Lady is back, and the nutty side of her brain must have been working overtime. Of course, that's no surprise considering the six years I spent earning two B.A. degrees and one M.A. (one in religion, two in English. I am not a supporter of dirty musicals (isn't that an oxymoron?) but the song from Avenue Q comes to mind).

Ooooohhhh, what do ya do with a B.A. in En-glish...

Okay. Better now.

My point is, sometimes my brain works overtime, especially when I can't sleep. I suspect I am an insomniac. Sometimes, I put myself to sleep with "things to ponder." If you've never seen these or haven't seen a really good list in awhile, here are some of my favorites:

1. If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
2. Whatever happened to the other 6 UP's?
3. (For my Southern readers and fellow grammarians) How can something be "in" the floor and "on" the floor at the same time? Same principle for chairs. I mean, really.
4. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
5. (For people like me who love cheesy sitcoms) Didn't you ever wish just one time, the main problem could only be solved in say, two hours?
6. What if the hokey pokey really IS what it's all about?
7. Oh, here's one that makes me scream: Why do doctors leave the room when you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
8. And another one that drives me nutty: Why do some books have those annoying blank pages in the back? I hate buying a nice, long 350-page book and discovering that 10 of those pages are blank.
9. Someone explain this to me: WHAT is the fascination with dating vampires and werewolves all of a sudden? If I wanted to date a bloodsucker, I'd go to EHarmony and pick out a lawyer. And if I wanted to date a hairball, I'd...never mind.
10. And why, oh, why do you have to know how to spell something before you can look up how to spell it?!?!

Okay, you get the idea. Sometimes pondering the imponderables of life are fun (and hey, if any of you out there have others to send me, I welcome them). But I actually wanted to end this post with an inspirational revelation for you.

If you've hung around long enough, you know I'm a serious Christian, but that doesn't mean I understand God. I mean, He's GOD. I'm not supposed to understand Him fully, right? But He and I currently have a sticking point between us: I'm having trouble accepting some of His heavenly truth when I have to live down here with earthly truth. Such as: sometimes, He has to convince me I have a great purpose, when the earthly truth is that I have a disability that currently has me feeling rather "shelved." He has to convince me I'm beautiful, when the earthly truth is that I'm just a medium-sized woman who used to be a size 6, until she gave up her legalistic diet and indulged in the ice cream one time too many.

And then I thought, hey, I'm not the only one with this problem. I mean, how does a serial murderer accept forgiveness from others and him or herself while still knowing the murders were horrific sins? How did the Katrina victims keep believing God (not believing IN God), while knowing they'd lost everything and would probably spend a year or more in a FEMA trailer? How do people with cancer believe God for healing when the earthly truth is that the cancer is stage 4 and that treatment only has a 15% shot at making any difference?

I don't know the answer to that one, despite that Religious Studies B.A. But the key is, I'm working on it. And God is gonna hang in there with me while I do. After all, He created me as an intellectual. He must've known what He was in for, right? :)

A Conservative Cautionary Tale

Hello, gentle readers. Yes, I am back, and this time, I have some Independence Day thoughts for you. Yes, I realize they are a bit late, and I am rarely late, but I have been quite busy, so I'm just now jotting them down for your enjoyment, thought, and perhaps discussion.

These thoughts began percolating in my head when I went to church on the Sunday before Independence Day and was pleasantly surprised to hear my pastor deliver a sermon on what is right with America. Some of you might not find that surprising, but I can assure you that having had a lot of exposure to politics in recent years, as well as being a Christian who knows plenty about America's sins, it was refreshing to hear what was right with our country.

And there is a lot to commend about America. Despite the fact that we are often called ethnocentric, and despite the fact that free speech is often abused, we do live in the greatest country in existence. We have freedoms, opportunities, and basic comforts that people in other countries can scarcely dream of. Not to cram common knowledge down anyone's throat, but--have American women ever thought about how blessed they are to be able to walk down the street uncovered by a burqa? Have Americans ever given thanks for the ADA (in Europe, handicap-accessible transportation and buildings are often a myth)? And thank God, quite literally, that our water is clean, our food is plentiful, and even someone with an IQ of 50 can have a shot at a decent education if someone is willing to advocate for that person.

Now, do not misunderstand me. America has made mistakes, and I can name some huge ones: The Trail of Tears, Japanese internment camps, slavery (including prostitution), and turning a blind eye to the Holocaust, to name just a few. And yes, sometimes I think America could take a lesson or two from Europe, Africa, and other countries. After all, these are places where health issues are dealt with via diet and exercise, not popping pills (Europe). These are places where people are grateful for the basics, and where Jesus is embraced with such enthusiasm it's almost foreign in some nations (Africa and other Third World locations). But if America got a report card, it would have a lot of good grades. In my humble opinion, there's only one thing wrong with America at large right now.

No, it's not the "whackos" from the other political party. It's not the fact that not enough people are "going green." It's not anything you're going to hear a lot about in Washington, D.C. In fact, I'm pointing the biggest finger at the conservatives whose beliefs I embrace here. Yes, conservatives could do a lot to reshape America if we tried.

Now, some of you guys are probably saying, "yeah, lady, you're nuts," or calling me a traitor, which is your perogative, so let me explain what I mean. Yes, I get my news from FOX. Yes, I listen to Rush Limbaugh, and yes, I think Ann Coulter is hilarious. But sometimes, conservatives really make me get my Irish out. These are the people who claim they want to bring "family values" and "tradition" back to America (I'm hearing echoes of Fiddler on the Roof).

Yet, these are the same people who often give in to certain negative stereotypes that give them, and therefore a more "values based" America a black eye. These are the people who think they should go to church because "God is expecting you there." They slaughter and eat red meat just to prove a point to the "go green" folks. They lambast public education for having no value and belitte people with college degrees as "too liberal," forgetting that for all their flaws, these things can have value. They espouse corporal punishment because "I was spanked and turned out fine," and then wonder why their kids rebel or seem to obey out of fear/obligation. (And yes, I was spanked as a kid. While my parents were never abusive, I eventually grew to despise this punishment form).

I'm talking about the fact that conservatives are against abortion, but for the death penalty (to me, that seems awkward, especially since their main backup is an Old Testament verse. I thought we were under the new covenant?) As a matter of fact, conservatives who espouse their beliefs because "the Bible tells me so," and for no other reason, really get on my nerves. Hello! God also gave you a brain! But that's another discussion for another day. I'm talking about conservative parents who raise a hue and cry over banned books such as Catcher in the Rye, Harry Potter, and even some Shakespearean works, without reading them first. (No, you should not expose your child to inherently trashy books, and yes, if you choose not to have your child exposed to certain books and other media, that is a freedom you enjoy in this great nation of ours. I'm only encouraging a well-informed perusal of things like this before you go jumping off the deep end). I'm talking about conservatives who say gay marriage is wrong, and express that belief by treating gays and lesbians with flagrant disrespect (i.e., the Matthew Shepherd website that counts down the days the poor kid's been in hell). Puke!

Now, realize that I could write a whole different post on how liberals could do a lot to reshape America, but one, I think we get enough of that from Hannity and O'Reilly. Two, as a member of the conservative camp, I find it easier to point out the positives and flaws in my own party. And as for those flaws, people--both L and C--I'm sick of them. Embrace what's right with America, use your brain to truly think through your beliefs (alongside your Bible and your Darwin) and please...grow up. Get some intellectual independence, for cryin' out loud!